Georgia
23rd of June 2002

We leave Columbus on Sunday afternoon. Patrick phones Jascha from Mike’s mobile after leaving us at the airport to tell him that he's welcome back to stay any time he likes. Jascha starts feeling broody for the first time in his life.

A Lincoln town car collects us from the airport. It’s Jascha's first experience of a Lincoln town car and I think he might finally be seeing the benefits of having married me. We arrive at the Swissotel in Atlanta and decide we have a very cool view from our room.

We have dinner across the road in a themed mafia-style Italian restaurant and are served the biggest portions of pasta you have ever seen in your life. We were quite excited when a woman on the plane told us that we were staying in the nicest part of town, but Peachtree Road consists of a dual carriageway, the Swissotel, three enormous themed restaurants and some office blocks. We decide not to explore and go to bed. I pray that my face will de-swell during the night for my TV appearance the next morning.

*

I leave Jascha in bed the following morning and meet Gail, my Georgia escort, in the lobby at 7.15am. She's delightful and beautiful and drives me to the Fox studios for my interview on Good Day Atlanta. This is a very professional outfit. I'm even put into make-up. The guest before me is a big black woman wearing a hat who is some kind of TV judge (everyone goes gaga over her - she is obviously very famous) and a curator from the local museum whose colleague hasn't turned up because she overslept and is about to get the sack.

The interview is very sweet and is all over in the three minutes. Here’s me on the sofa, looking surprisingly radiant for such an early hour:

Gail takes me back to the hotel where I do two radio interviews (sending Jascha out of the room while I'm doing them - way ­too embarrassing to have him listening to me talk shit and he’d probably pull faces at me). Gail returns at lunchtime to take us back to the airport, taking us the scenic route and showing us her city on the way - her other job is as a local tour guide. Atlanta is very very clean. Too clean. It is full of new buildings, new parks and new squares and everyone is very proud of the part that the Olympics played in the regeneration of the city. I'm not convinced. As we drive, Gail looks at the clock on her dashboard and makes us melt by saying, ‘Ah’m mahndful of the tahm’ in her beautiful southern drawl .The southern accent is the vocal equivalent of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk.

Gail leaves us at the airport. Here she is with Jascha. She’s lovely:

By five o’clock we’re in Louisville.